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Should I be doing Something Else

Should I be doing Something Else

During your days of work or recreation do you think to yourself “I should be doing something else”. But not quite sure what the something else is.

Your alarm goes off, and immediately you start thinking about the day ahead of you. You think of all the responsibilities that you have at work, the tasks you know you must get done for the day: the kids, the meetings, and the list goes on. Your mind starts to race and you wonder can I get it all done today. Then you move into compiling list of the shoulds for the day: you  should get a workout in, you should clean your house, you should call your friend, you should choose healthy meals for the day, you should read tonight instead of watch TV etc.. You eat your breakfast, if you have time, barely noticing what you’re eating and you’re out the door. You start to think to yourself I should’ve got up earlier, so I could get a workout in. I should have had something healthier for breakfast. 

When you get to work, you spend your day at work thinking about the next thing on your task list; instead of truly focusing in on what you are doing at that moment. You start to think about:  is this is the right job for me,  am I in the right position, am I really living up to my potential, can I get the next thing done on my list, is this really the best way to do what I’ m doing, should I be more social at work. On and on it goes for the rest of your day, you’re  one or two steps ahead of yourself and you don’t feel satisfied by what you are doing. It seems you are always questioning and second-guessing yourself and your choices.  Then, after the morning break, you had to take, because your exhausted from worry, you decide you’re going to try to take control of your workday, you open your email and there is a plethora of old and new messages asking for your attention; you quickly go through them and get a picture of what you need to get done right now. But where do you start? You begin one task from a email but then quickly have the urge to see if there’s something else more important you should be doing. This problem repeats itself every time you sit down with one thing, the dozens of others on your mind and many potential urgent items that might be coming in as you sit there, are taking for your attention. Is there ever any certainty that you’re doing the right thing right now? Does the worry that you should be doing something else ever go away.

When we were kids, most of us had someone to tell us what to do, like a parent or teacher, who would give us a chore or an assignment and we knew this was what we should be doing. It wasn’t always what we wanted to be doing (Smile).  But there wasn’t any doubt about what we should be doing because it was all mapped out for us.  Then we became adults, things were not so clear. We became the boss of ourselves and the reality that we have the ability to choose between a bunch of task and projects and communication tools. Not to mention having to do personal stuff like laundry and cooking and picking up the kids. We’re making choices all day long, with no one to tell us that these choices are correct.  We see other people who seem to be productive and imagine them to be solid in their choices, always sure that they are doing the right tasks.  This is an illusion no one is ever free from worry. We all have the desire not to mess up or to do the perfect thing and we all have the fear that our desired outcome, won’t happen. This dynamic is present and often unnoticed most of the time, present as background noise, nagging and urges us to be doing something else. However, we often forget that mistakes are a wonderful opportunity for us to learn. There’s a quote by Winston Churchill, which illuminates the beauty of making mistakes and failing. The quote goes something like: success is not final, failure is not fatal it’s the courage to continue that counts. perhaps the worry we carry deep down is that we won’t find the map and the courage to change.

So how do we get the tools to reduce the stress of worry? A solid plan for yourself is one way to begin to feel more confident. When is the last time you took a few breaths and remembered your dream or vision of yourself? Do you have a vivid mental picture of your dream? Do you remember your values, you have about yourself, your work, and your communications? How are your values interwoven into your daily activities?  When’s the last time you examined your goals, ensuring your goals promote your vision for yourself? Do most of your daily activities support the accomplishment of your goals?  LUV Solutions, offers a Free Self Guided Personal Strategic Plan.  The guide is straightforward easy to follow and generally takes about an hour to complete.  Get your free guide here

In addition the following are offered as a Zen approach to deal with worry

Shine the light of awareness: notice the worry as you sit down to do a task or contemplate what task you’re going to do next it’s the worry is there in the background turn your attention to it and just notice it don’t fear it don’t hate it don’t worry about it just notice.

Make worry your friend: it’s always there, and will always be there with you. Don’t fear it, don’t try to kill it. Instead, give it a hug. Embrace it except it. Get use to it you’re together for the long haul.

Welcome it along on an important task: pick one task to do now. It can be anything, but you something that feels important to your life or work. Something you know that will help others and yourself. There might be a bunch of them, so just choose quickly on a gut instinct. Don’t worry, it doesn’t have to be the perfect task. Notice the worry coming along with you. It’s okay. Put your arm around it shoulder, and go along the path together, happy in your newfound friendship.

Set an intention to stick with the task: before you actually start the task, make an agreement with your friend worry. You’re going to stick with this task, at least five minutes, without switching or following the urge to check other things. For these wonderful five minutes, you’ll be sure of one thing; you will do this task, no matter if it’s the perfect task or not. Focus on this one task, and be sure you’re going to stick with it.

The worry will come, notice it, smile, embrace it like the friend you have whose always doing crazy things, and then stick with the task you’ll be fine. It’ll be great.  If you follow these steps you’ll get the task done and then breathe and smile. Be triumphant in your accomplishment.

Take a few moments more for yourself to enjoy Bob Marley’s Three Little Birds.

Make it a Great Day

Make it a Great Day

Make it a Great Day

I was talking with my son’s friend a while back, when I asked how he was doing. he responded “blessed”. I mockingly replied to him, yes I keep praying to be blessed nothing happens. He then responded to me, your breathing aren’t you. I was taken aback by his response and I pondered his statement for a while. His simple words hit me hard, it occurred to me, that I have been getting caught up in some adverse thinking, and making myself feel isolated. I felt like I was always trying to accomplish something, overcome a struggle or make something better. Not or rarely taking the time to be grateful for what I do have and really appreciating it. I began to think about this for a while, at first I went to the thinking, it’s the world it’s in chaos, there is no justice, there’s not a sense of fairness, and every day there is another story or stories on the news of people being cruel, etc. My negative thoughts were not my fault.  then I started to blame my circumstances, I had health issues, I couldn’t  find a job that I like, I don’t make enough money etc. In other words I was copping out! As a consequence,I seemed bitter. One of the things I always feared was becoming a bitter person. It was time to face some facts, if I was going to survive even the day. My truth is I really didn’t like what and who I had become.  When did I buy into the LIE that it’s never enough? I have allowed myself to believe negative thoughts, about myself and my world view. I was believing a bunch of BS like, I don’t have the right credentials or education,  I am not young, people don’t care, you won’t get hired because… you know the BS we tend to believe when we are buying into someone else’s values and vision. I had become what I feared the most. I had forgotten the me, I want to be. I began asking myself: Do I remember my values?  Did I forget who I was and wanted to be?  Did I forget one of my core beliefs which is: “You are who you think you are”. I think in a moment of needing a little relief from my thoughts;  I remembered a  line i liked, from the song Life During Wartime  by the Talking Heads’ the line is. I don’t even know my real name.  After listening to the song on YouTube, I thought how ironic, that I would think of a 30 year old song. Was I telling myself I was at war with myself and the world around me? I know I was signaling to myself, that I didn’t know who I am, anymore. I began to blame all the chaos in the world like politics, the terrible things happening to people, the struggles I was having at work, with money , with my husband, with my health, believe me I could go on and on with a list of everything that was wrong with me, the world, and everyone around me.  At that moment,  I thought to myself is this really me? is this type of thinking really my reality? Have I been looking at myself with some else’s lens. Had I brought into someone else’s vision and values.   What you may find humorous is in my previous job I developed a training to help people after receiving devastating or life changing news. The intent of that training was to help people to use a planning process to get back on track. We all fall sometimes, but we must remember and hold on to our spirit, Then we can find the courage to stand up and begin again.  So I pulled out that training brushed it off and added a few things that I needed so I could remember and believe again in who I am and what I valued. I got in touch with my values about me, about my work, and about the way I want to communicate. Most importantly I needed to paint a clear and well defined picture of my dream. So, I had a choice I could sit and carry on in my misery, while continuing to loose myself or I could grow from this experience.  I decided take my own training: I discovered that part of my dream and rediscovered my values that made me want to share this experience with others. My hope was that others would find the training could be used as a tool to assist them in staying focused on their values and vision. My goal is to support people in using their values and vision to create a life of production and achievement, as they define achievement. Using the process from my training, I took my goals and started to develop my action steps. I created my road map.  Toward my goal of sharing my experience and training with others as a tool, for personal growth. My first action was to open a business and name it.  I named my company LUV Solutions. LUV is: Loves’ Universal Voice. In creating my road map and actions I rediscovered some of my strengths. I then learned how and built a website to host the training in an online course. During my discovery process, I remembered many years ago, I had taken classes and received a “master life coach” certificate. I then developed a coaching model to support people in focusing and following their dreams. Therefore,in addition to offering the training/class, I now offer the services of a Personal Development Coach. After all in my previous leadership roles, I would use a coaching style when appropriate. Focused coaching is one of my strengths. Accordingly, i could use this resource to met my goal.  Couldn’t we all use a little coaching sometimes, to remember who we are, what we value, where we want to go. Coaching helps regardless if you learn how to internally coach yourself or you hire a coach.

When times/life feels off kilter, or out of whack, when you are feeling lost, or when something life changing happens, it is often  a good time to examine your current road map, I received a tremendous gift in my interaction with my son’s friend: I was given the opportunity to get my act right.

 I’ll leave you today with a little entertainment from the Talking Heads. Enjoy!

Make it a great day.